Three years ago, homeschooling was not on my mind. But now that I have a daughter, I’ve been thinking about it more. I want the best for her and I’m trying to figure out who would give her a better education: the school system, or me? I have my doubts in the school system, but then I also have my doubts in myself. Like others who grew up in the public school system, I have unfounded prejudices against homeschooling and admittedly don’t know much about it. But as I’ve looked into it, I think it might be a good path for my family. So I decided to take my wife and daughter to a homeschool convention to learn more about what it takes to be a homeschool family.

Before I went, when I told people where I was going, I got the sense that most people hadn’t thought much about homeschool either. When I said “homeschool convention”, the initial response was a twitched eyebrow and an attempt to not make a weird face. “Oh… why?”, they would ask.

I started seriously considering homeschooling when my wife became pregnant with our first child. She was pro-homeschool. I was… getting there. But through lots of conversation and research, we’ve come to be aligned in our views on homeschooling. Homeschooling is now my go-to answer for the question, “What’s something you’ve changed your mind about?”

I had a hard time getting over the stigma with homeschool. I wondered, “If our kid did that, won’t she grow up isolated and weird?” Isn’t homeschooling only for mega hardcore religious fundamentalists, and people deeply distrustful of “the system”? Or for sweet but socially awkward midwestern families? Or for kids who just can’t cut it in a public school? Or for backwoods recluses? Or for… you get it.

I still wrestle with that worry, because homeschooling is unfamiliar to me. My wife and I came up in the Ohio public school system. We did well in school. I went on to graduate college and have a successful career in software development. Neither of us had horribly traumatic experiences in the public school system, other than the trauma du jour of adolescence. So then my question is, how could I do any better teaching my kid than what the public school system did for me? At least I got socialized, kind of.

I’m not sure I can do better. And that’s why I wanted to go to a convention to learn more about homeschool. So down to Columbus, Ohio I drove with my wife and my two-year-old daughter to attend the Great Homeschool Convention.

The Convention

The first thing I learned is that this convention was not designed for two-year-olds. It mostly consisted of workshops (presentations) and an exhibit hall swarming with hundreds of vendors. There was a daycare for kids, but the minimum age was three years old, so we lugged our daughter from workshop to workshop, exhausting our supply of snacks and toys to keep her entertained.

What set me most at ease about homeschooling was observing the people. I was keen to measure the weird-factor of other attendees to see if my prejudices of homeschoolers were justified. Much to my relief, they were not. The parents looked like any other parents. The kids seemed normal.

But I didn’t go only to judge people. I also wanted to learn. There were hundreds of workshops to choose from, with some on homeschooling, parenting, literature, math, organization, and more. The workshops we chose to attend were a mixed bag ranging from “wow, that was great!” to “get me out of here, now”. But through the good and the bad, there were some important lessons I took away.

The Lessons

1. Cultivate a Love for Learning

In the first workshop we attended, the speaker mentioned that cultivating a love for learning should be the primary goal of the homeschooling parent. “Yes!”, I thought, “That’s it!”. I knew there was something in homeschooling that I didn’t see in the public school system, and this was it.

In public schools, I have no idea what kind of teachers my kid will get. She may get the inspiring, lifelong learner who motivates her students. Or she may get the guy that clocks in, follows the curriculum, and clocks out. Or she may get someone with a nihilistically warped view of the world. It’s a random grab bag, and I suspect the odds are skewed more in the negative direction. I don’t feel that way through any fault of the teachers. I have friends who are great teachers, but our system does not respect or reward great teachers. The salary is meager and it is unfortunately not a position that is held in high esteem. I wish it were different, but this is the system we have.

I’m fortunate to have a love for learning now, but I don’t think it was the public school system that gave that to me. I certainly wasn’t actively trying to learn outside of school. I did what I had to do, and I saw learning as something that “had to be done”. But I wish I saw it as something that I was blessed to do. That I was so lucky and privileged to do. And that’s what I want to pass on to my daughter too.

I’m 100% certain that my passion and enthusiasm for learning could match that of some of the best public school teachers. And I think that’s really the most important thing. I don’t have all the credentials or know any teaching theory, but I love learning. And I plan on sharing that love for learning with my kids!

2. Learn for Yourself First and Lead by Example

I certainly couldn’t teach a love for learning though if I didn’t have it myself. So another big takeaway from the convention is that I really need to prioritize learning for myself. My daughter is only two, so there’s not a ton of homeschooling to be doing right now. But I can dive into my own learning to become a more complete and well-rounded man.

One of the workshops that really inspired me to learn was on “painful books”. It was two gentlemen discussing classic tragic novels that have powerful messages. A few of them were books that I had read in school. I really want to revisit those books and some of the others that were discussed. Now that I am older, I can see the importance of these books. But in school they just seemed like some dusty and crusty relic I had to crack to get a good grade. So I didn’t internalize the lessons as much as I could have. But the lessons are there. These are books that I would love for my daughter to read some day, but how could I take myself seriously if I thought they were important for her but not for me!

Another inspiring workshop was on entrepreneurship. I really want my daughter to have an entrepreneurial mindset, but I have not done much entrepreneurial work myself! My internal hypocrite alarm bells were going off. I came away from this workshop excited about learning how to start a micro-business, which is something I had already been thinking about with Indie Hacking, so that I can share that with my daughter someday. I get really excited thinking about her trying to start her own business as a kid, and the excitement she’ll get when the first dollar rolls in as a result of something she has created. I see this as a great way to learn all those important life skills that I lament not learning from public school: personal finance, self-organization, persuasion, etc.

3. Leverage What Works for You

Every time I turned around at this convention, somebody was trying to sell me something. A lot of vendors were trying to sell a philosophy. I was surprised at all the competing philosophies for homeschooling. There’s the classical philosophy, which is pretty rigid and focuses on classical literature. Then there’s unschooling, which focuses on child-led experiential learning. And there’s a whole gamut in between.

But all the vendors want to lock you into THEIR philosophy because it is THE BEST way to learn.

But the first workshop reinforced an important lesson: Just do what works. Every single kid is different. No philosophy is best, and you might need a smattering of them.

I’m probably biased by my work experience in software development, but it reminded of the agile principles. Simplicity, sustainability, and regular reflection. I think that’s the key, and that’s how I want to run my homeschool. We’ll try things out, and we’ll discard what isn’t working. Constant iteration and feedback.

4. Live Boldly

Since I had a pre-conceived notion of homeschoolers being quiet and awkward, I was surprised by the contrast of how boldly people endorsed it. I got to hear from a lot of people who homeschooled their kids, had an amazing experience, and were incredibly proud of it.

Another interesting aspect of the convention was that it leaned heavily Christian. Many of the speakers were Christian speakers, and I was impressed by the way they boldly shared the interplay between their faith and their choice to homeschool.

That was convicting to me. I felt inspired to live more boldly, not just in my faith and homeschooling, but in all areas.

5. Take Side Quests

This lesson didn’t come from any of the workshops. I just found that some of the best parts of the convention were when we left and did our own thing. For example, one day we went and explored Columbus’s North Market. That was a really fun couple of hours that we could have easily missed out on!

While the convention was the reason we were in Columbus, it wasn’t lost on me that there was a lot more to explore. Some of which might be an even better experience for my family than the convention. My takeaway was that wherever I find myself, I want to make sure to keep my eyes open so I don’t miss the opportunities right down the street. There’s usually a side quest worth pursuing, if you’re willing to set aside your main quest for a little bit.

6. Don’t be Afraid to Leave a Crappy Situation

Vendors sure know how to drag you into a conversation you don’t want to be a part of. I wish I had been better at saying, “Actually, I’m not interested” as they launched into their canned spiel about their product or service. I got better at this as the convention went on, but yeesh it feels icky getting stuck in those situations. And it’s okay to just end it! It’s actually the more humane thing to do. I’d rather not let this person waste their breath on me knowing full well that I will forget their product as soon as I step away from the table.

I did just get up and leave in the middle of one of the workshops. My wife was with our daughter while she napped, so I went to a workshop on her behalf about working as a medical transcriptionist while homeschooling.

Looking back, it is painfully obvious that this was always going to go how it did. The speaker launched right into a story about her becoming a transcriptionist and starting a company for it and so on. But it became clear immediately that this was a sales pitch to buy her company’s multi-thousand dollar course to become a medical transcriptionist. I wish I would have looked into her company before going to the workshop. No thanks. I got up, shuffled past the bright-eyed moms in the room, and got out of their as soon as I could.

You don’t need to stay in a crappy situation. Once you see it for what it is, leave.

The End

I’m glad I went to the homeschool convention, but it was an exhausting couple of days. I’m not sure whether I’ll go back. I’ve had the experience once, and now that I’ve had it, I think I can just do research online and look up products/services for homeschooling closer to when I need them. In my mind, the value of bringing all these people together in-person should be connecting with other like-minded people to learn from them, but that wasn’t structurally part of it. It felt more like a sales floor than a place of community and connection. Which is a bummer.

But on a positive note, I left filled with ideas of ways I want to improve myself and prepare to be a homeschooling dad. It still feels weird to identify with homeschool, but I no longer see it as a bad thing. I choose to boldly be what I believe is best for my daughter so that I can give her something that will serve her throughout her life: a deep love for learning.